This is a very common thing in Los Angeles but there are more reasons for this than you can imagine.
1. People in Los Angeles are not friendly.
People here appear to be friendly but they aren’t really. They will smile at you and laugh with you and even ask you to bum a cigarette but they don’t really want to be your friend unless they think they can benefit from knowing you. People here are phony. They will act like they like you when they really do not. They call it being polite. Accept it. It is a part of the culture here.
2. People in Los Angeles aren’t looking for friends, they are looking for followers.
When people introduce themselves to you, it is unlikely that they are hoping to meet a friend. Most people in LA are enterprising and smart. Remember, Los Angeles is the land of dreams and opportunity for many across the globe. They have dreams and goals that they are hell bent on achieving and they recognize that you can be someone who helps them achieve them. They are the best of the best from where they are from and they are used to people following them. If you are not a natural follower, it will be twice as difficult to make friends easily here.
3. You will have to compromise to make friends here.
I have had women approach me for friendship yet the things they invite me to do are not things that I enjoy doing. If I wanted to make friends, I would have to compromise who I am to have them. Are you willing to ignore a few of your morals to have people to go out for drinks with? If not, it’s not likely you will have many friends.
4. You have not chosen a social circle.
People in LA live in very tight knit pockets, little worlds of their own that center around activities or ethnic groups. Outside of those activities or ethnic groups, you will be hard pressed to meet someone. If you haven’t made an effort to learn a new skill, explore a new part of your sexuality or devote yourself to a specific craft it can be hard to make new friends here.
5. You’re a grown-up.
Hello. This is not elementary school where you can compliment someone on their shirt and you just made a friend. We’re all adults who have been socialized with prejudices and established standards for our lives. Truthfully, the older we get the more stict we are about who we allow into our personal spaces. We get to know ourselves more and we decide who we are and what we stand for and that leaves less people to play with because we do not usually want to compromise or shift who we are to accommodate others. Making friends as an adult is tough, for anyone, in any city.
Just show yourself to be friendly, set goals for yourself and work on achieving them and you will make friends along the way, if you don’t try too hard. Focus on your goals and you’ll meet people with similar goals, who will become your tribe as you pursue your goals together.
Nov 14, 2014 at 11:50 pm
I think the first few reasons are debatable. To us, being friendly means smiling at the person at the bus stop and striking up a conversation waiting in line. The problem is. there are steps to forming friendships to ensure you don’t get stuck with a drama queen or dangerous person. Social networking has streamlined the process.
First a person may eat with you at work, chat with you by the apartment pool, etc. After they have gotten to know you a bit, or if you hit it off at an event, they will usually offer to be your Twitter or Facebook friend. Usually the next step is a group event, like inviting you to a BBQ, or offering to meet you at a museum or movie.
This is where most friendships usually stall. Someone decides they only want to be an acquaintance. Especially with work friends.
The last step is doing an activity with just the two of you, driving together, or going to visit them at home. Now you know you are a trusted friend. You can now progress to 3am “I got dumped” calls and rides to the airport.
I am realizing this sounds a lot like dating. I guess that’s it. Treat people in LA as you would a strange new love interest, sans flowers and sexy talk.
Sep 16, 2016 at 8:49 pm
Hello Miss P, As a native Los Angelino i agree with many of Your comments on this post, as i am also listening to Your video episode 583 # . i am also too deep in my thoughts, observations and free wheeling serendipitous outlook on life , way too much for almost everyone i meet. What has made me a few true blue friends is my being so outgoing and speaking my mind without being pushy or seeking approval for love or acceptance. i have meet 99%of my true friends doing the after work things i love to do which has created a bond with a few dear friends such as road bicycling, i have been riding a road bicycle hard for fitness for a few years and have met classy fun healthy nice people that way. i dont look for friends i just vibrate on the same level with a few people and its a natural bond with no fake LA pretense. i understand what Your saying about Your long time friend in FL…warmest regards steven
Jan 15, 2019 at 5:38 am
I would like to make friends over there in LA.
Aug 10, 2019 at 9:53 am
I moved to LA two years ago and even if I’ve met people, I still have no friends the way one has friends anywhere else in the planet. I can’t help but feeling lonely. It’s such a hard work making true friendships here. I wonder if I was the only one feeling this way. I’m about to give up.